Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
