He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
