based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
