He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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