SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
