Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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