i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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