ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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