I wannas sexs uuuuu
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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