Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
