i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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