I'm lost and stupid without you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she peed on how many people?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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