You really coming over, don't trick.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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