Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my shit smells like andre
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
