Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
