She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
