I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
