Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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