If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
