I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
