she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
