the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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