Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i think i just lost a toe
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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