shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
