I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
