Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
