Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
