i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
