I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
