Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
