i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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