i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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