Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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