I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
