Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
