I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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