someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
