Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
