The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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