The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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