she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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