i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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