So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
