Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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