It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
