so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
