Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
