You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
