I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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