I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
