we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
